Dear Lucia, I know I made a stupid mistake but what shall I do? I totally screwed up. I went out twice with a guy and we French kissed. He's busy always traveling and he didnt call. When I called him a week later,I said stupid stuff like "Even the president has time to call..." so he told me "I'm not a relationship kind of guy". He also said his ex-girlfriend sometimes goes to his place to water the plants when he's away. I want to see him again, without any strings attached - how do I do it? Signed: Waiting Dear Waiting, Im glad you realized you made a mistake. Im of course referring to calling him and then on top of that making that president comment. Anyone that is a regular reader to this column will remember my 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Guy list. One of the 10 is: Why didnt you call? Now you see why asking that question never works. The answer is always: Because he didnt want to. What youre really asking is: Why didnt you want to call? Its too soon to be wondering that. All youve done is lock lips. Dont fall into that silly female habit of trying to move things along, because it rarely works. When you prematurely try to take one step forward, the guy will instead take one step back. This is what he did when he told you he wasnt a relationship kind of guy. What he means is: He doesnt want to have a relationship with YOU! If he wasnt a relationship guy how does he explain having an ex-girlfriend? Hes trying to put the brakes on because at the moment he hardly knows you, and he certainly doesnt need some girl calling him up to find out why he didnt call. Finally, you say you want to see him again with no strings attached. I say you want to see him again and pretend there are no strings attached. You and I both know you want more. But okay, Ill play along. Since he felt forced to make that no relationship statement, youve now painted yourself into a corner. What to do? Well, I would say wait for a month and see if he calls you again. If he does, dont mention getting together. If he asks you out, dont say yes right away. Tell him youll need to get back to him. This is your way of taking one step back. (Incase you hadnt noticed, dating is a lot like Simon Says). When you do go out, you need to casually slip into the conversation that youre just looking for a casual relationship (not necessarily with him, but in general). See how he reacts to that and go from there. If, however, you dont hear from him in a month, call and leave a message saying hello. If hes interested, hell call back at some point, though it may not be right away. If he answers, do the same thing, keep the conversation light and get off the phone in 5 minutes. Dont ask him to get together. He needs to ask you out if hes interested, otherwise, youll be taking one step forward again, while hes still two steps back. Understand? Now, go forth and do not ever again commit the sin of asking: Why didnt you call? |
