Blame is an art form in our culture. Pointing fingers and looking "outside", rather than "inside", when facing unpleasant outcomes, is a sign of emotional immaturity and lack of self-responsibility.

In relationship, blaming others is a lose-lose equation. The blamer remains defiant, in denial, overtly or passively aggressive and inconsiderate, while the blamed often reacts with guilt, shame, resistance, resentment, confusion, frustration, anger, and/or isolation.

Blame is a red flag, devoid of genuine understanding and the real working through of conflict resolution. In a "conscious" relationship, partners are cognizant of the needs hidden in their blaming and are open to expressing these needs to one another. Blame is often an indication that the one who is blaming is crying out to have some need (or needs) met. The person who is blaming is relating as a victim and a child, challenged by feeling helpless, fearful and out of control. Blame is the way an adult "cries like a child." It's an attention-getting device, i.e., underneath the blame is an attempt to gain some degree of recognition, control or security. Blame is a red flag demanding a white flag of surrender from another. The "blame game" has no winner; only losers.

Peter Vajda, Ph.D

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D.is Co-Founder of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company dedicated to “Essential Well-Be-ing” for body, mind and spirit.

Peter is committed to facilitating people to have greater balance, harmony and peace in their personal and professional lives.

Peter believes a life guided by integration of the intelligence of one’s heart, the wisdom of one’s mind and the health of one’s body leads to true and real wholeness and well-being and the ability to live a genuinely “fulfilling" and “meaningful” life, as opposed to a fleeting and often-frustration lifestyle.

With 25 years of experience in consulting, training, facilitating and University teaching, Peter works with individuals, couples and groups as a Certified Personal and Professional Coach using his expertise in personal development, motivation, psychodynamics, and mind-body-spirit integrative approaches and practices to support people to discover and fulfill their heart’s desires and Life Purpose, and to create results they want in their lives based on their core values.

Peter is a member of the International Coaching Federation, Coachville and The Relationship Coaching Institute. He is also a motivational speaker and published author.