Who is the person in the mirror? I am a person of faith who believes without seeing, yet lives in a world where people seem to believe what they see; in a mirror, on a scale, sizes on clothes. I am an athlete who strives for perfection in practice and the only thing that matters is the perfect score. I am a student. A student of life, who must be perfect in everything I do, I apologize for every little mistake, and cringe when I don't catch on as quickly as everyone else. I am a child that wants to be loved, to belong, to be heard and know that I am perfect just as I am. This is what I want and yet I am so afraid to ask for it. Instead, I am a child that stands in front of my mirror, finding the many things I hate about myself, and a child who showers in water so hot, wishing it would melt the fat right off my body. I am a child who eats less food in hopes that it leads to more weight loss. A child who is in tears after getting off the scale for the 10th time, realizing the numbers did not change. I am the child who binges on gallons of ice cream hoping to forget about the scale. I am the child who runs to get laxatives hoping they will make me feel clean and whole. I am a child who exercises constantly, because the half bowl of chicken noodle soup was just too much. I am a child that uses drugs and alcohol in hopes that it they will bring happiness. I am constantly moving, never sitting still, unless I am sleeping. I lay in bed contemplating life and my place in it. Dear God, if you get me through this, I promise never to do this again, and in the next breath I break that promise. I am a child who isolates from all those I love, for fear that I will hurt them, by saying or doing the wrong thing. The one who eats/binges/drinks in private because if you didn't see me do it then it didn't really happen. I do not want to be like this - it is all I have to keep me safe. I make it look like I am in control, while I destroy my own body. I want to die because I don't know how to live. Suicide would be easier than living in this hell. How do I tell you I have an Eating Disorder? I am chained in a prison of fear. Who am I? I am called by many names: Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle, Niece, Nephew and Friend. I am all ages, creeds, colors and economic backgrounds. I am many, too many, whose lives have been cut short by the effects of this disease. Do you know the person in the mirror? Why should we care? Everybody is Somebody's child. |
