I predicted an increase in the Presidents approval rating if he gave a good State of the Union Address. He did fairly well and his ratings went up. Then all Shiite broke loose in Iraq and his ratings plunged. Here are some problems created by the Bush Administration and what could be done to resolve them: Problem 1 War was declared on Osama Bin Laden. Osama is still drinking tea, probably in Mecca rather than Pakistan. Solution: Invite Osama Bin Laden to talk things over at the United Nations. Have the CIA zap him on the steps of the U. N. Building. Problem 2 The Administration made Colin Powell look like an asno at the U. N. and then invaded Iraq where they found no WMDs to remove. The borders were not secured, the populace was not disarmed, and our service men had to play nursemaid to the Iraqi people and do the fighting too. Insurgents were not pacified. Therefore the country is in a mess. The oil production we were after is curtailed by sabotage. Only Halliburton is enjoying the party by charging $20 for each meal (not eaten) by our servicemen and women and by contractors. Solution: The Administration needs a scapegoat. I would suggest someone in the administration with no talent and who would not be missed. That would be Scott McClellan, the perpetual dumb asno. However, the public would not accept that. Scott did not create the mess. No, the administration has to go after the man that was responsible for subduing Iraq. No scapegoat will do. The Secretary of Defense must be retired from office. That would be Donald Rumsfeld. They could celebrate this at a big party. Donald could say that he is resigning because of poor health, or his wife wants more of his time, or he has always wanted to open a Duncan Donut franchise. The main thing is that he would be gone and the president would look more presidential, especially if he made Colin Powell Secretary of Defense. The problem would be that Scott would tell a whole bunch of lies to make things worse. Well, sorry Scotty. You have got to go too. We know you did a wonderful job of making the president look smarter than you. You will be hard to replace. Problem 3 Saddam is still alive. The GIs that found him forgot to shoot the bastaard on capture. (My respects to the true Bastaards who are the descendants of Dutch farmers and Hottentot women. Read about them at http://www.1911encyclopedia.org/G/GR/GRIQUALAND_EAST.htm) Solution: Free Saddam immediately on my specified date because of Mistrial. Drop him off in a tough Kurd neighborhood at noon on March 16, 2006. That will be the 18th anniversary of Bloody Friday, the massacre of the Kurds. Make sure you let the Kurds know he is coming. Problem 4 The Russians tried to occupy Afghanistan. You know what happened there. The insurgency is growing and will not stop. The longer we wait, the harder it will be on the Afghanistan people. The exact same problem is brewing in Iraq. Solution: A recent poll states that two-thirds of our troops in Iraq want to go home. Its a no brainer. Bring our troops home by the end of 2006. With the troops home, the American People will soon forget they were ever there and things will calm down worldwide. (Believe me on this. When I came home form Korea, I was asked, Have you been away? What war?) Oh! Leave Halliburton there. Say there is no room for them on our ships. They can make a bundle during the civil war that will be in full swing my then. Some problems are so easy to solve. Why cant the White House think of simple asno solutions? Oh! One other question! Is that doghouse big enough for Dick Cheney? |
