Love. You may notice that I made that an entire sentence. That one little four-letter word can easily be a sentence on its own, an entire book, or the meaning of life. I doubt there has ever been a person on this planet who has not at some stage pondered the meaning of this little word. Men have lived for it and men have died for it. Love and God are probably the two words that encompass infinite connotations. Most commonly we think of Love as being In Love with another person or Being Loved by another person. Unfortunately, I am no expert on the dynamics or mysteries of finding or keeping Soul Mates. Being in love can make Your Heart Sing. Losing love or being unloved can make you feel like your Soul has had all the lights turned off. Love is so profound, complex and illusive and yet it is the most basic and natural part of our humanness. As important as loving and being loved is, I want you to consider a much more important aspect of love today; that is, Self-Love. Without self-love we are without purpose and are lacking in authenticity. Without self-love we are simply not real. At the very core of our existence is the hunger to know ourself, to feel connected, valued, secure and important. We all struggle to know and understand ourselves, but rarely do we dare to love ourselves or even to consider the possibility and yet there is that longing. Deep within our heart of hearts is the knowledge of the possibility that we could. Imagine your potential if you could meet with your true self and find that you did indeed truly love who you are. Let's first get rid of the idea that I am talking about ego, vanity, boasting or arrogance, self-love has nothing to do with these characteristics. These are masks we wear, to hide the fact that we are insecure. Self-love does not involve insecurity or vanity. How on earth did we all get so stuffed up that we actually believe that we are something less than perfect. We have all learned to wear masks. We have had to; sometimes its a matter of self-preservation, mostly its just social conditioning. It's funny really, to consider that we are all searching for our soul-mate from behind our masks. How will they know us, how will we know them if we are hiding. Usually we dont even acknowledge our own falseness and yet we expect others to be authentic and to see us as authentic. If you are seriously looking to bring loving relationships into your life, then you must first stop and consider who and what you truly are. Like attracts Like. You can only attract someone similar to yourself. Many people keep a list of attributes of their Ideal Lover. Things like tall, handsome, successful, healthy, good with kids, funny and interesting. Light a candle, make a wish or say a prayer. Its not going to happen and if it does, then it wont last unless you are compatible with this list. If you feel insecure, tired, frustrated, unattractive and bored, then you know but Ill tell you anyway, just in case you dont know that you will attract the person who is similar to your real self not your phoney self. You may meet Mr Wonderful, but I assure you he will be Mr. Phoney Wonderful. I suspect you have already met him, you have probably met him many times and you will continue to meet him, because you are Ms. Phoney Wonderful. First you must define what you need from Mr Wonderful. Not his attributes, Im talking about what you think he is going to bring into your existence. Is he bringing you affection, admiration, sex, motivation, self- esteem, approval, happiness, and entertainment. Is he going to make you feel worthy, special and happy. Now ask yourself why you are lacking these things in your life and how you can get some, if not all of them by yourself. Whats preventing you from giving yourself all of the above. Dont you think it will be more difficult to inspire a stranger to bring these things into your life than it would be for you to bring them in yourself. Would it be impossible to attain these things without Mr. Wonderfuls help. Many women have found that Mr. Wonderful simply brought an appetite for food and dirty socks, so be careful when you define what it is that you expect. Here is your first clue to finding your Soul-Mate. Be who and what you are looking for. To be a magnet you must be compatible, you can only attract what you magnetize. Mr: handsome, rich, talented, witty, considerate, kind and loyal, is not looking for Ms: bored, critical, unhappy and destitute. Sure, I know you look around and it appears that everyone but you has someone special and you desperately want that in your life. But look closely, most of those people are somewhere between meeting a replica and leaving a replica. What does the divorce rate tell you. It says all those people believed they had found a soul-mate and all those people discovered they had not. The mask has to come off and when it does its devastating; we blame ourselves, we blame our lovers, but no ones to blame at all. We were simply caught up in the illusion of whom we thought we were. The cycle will repeat and hearts will continue to be broken. The longing and the knowing, that love is available to you, is your own voice calling for you to step up and love yourself. Ecerpt from reinventingmyself.com Copyright Sonya Green |
